How much do you want to know Ryan Gosling? How much do you want him to father your children? How much time do you spend fantasising that hes your boyfriend/husband/soulmate? Not as much as me. I need to be detained. I die. GODLING GODLING GODLING
Basically, it would be lovely to have dinner with Ryan Gosling wouldnt it? Sadly, only his friends, family and the lucky Eva Mendes get this opportunity. Press probably do, but im not quite there yet. To achieve this fantasy scenario at home, simply select your favourite image of Ryan, tuck in a cloth near the neck line, sit him at the table with you and gaze. For those who suffer with imagining things vividly, you could go through some of Ryans amazing movies and record lines from them on your phone, then attempt to have some sort of fake conversation with him. Try to avoid war films as this just isnt a realistic conversation; plus the sound of explosives would even put me off my inevitable feast of melted cheese and various meats.
p.s- only do this if you live alone or you have the place to yourself. There is no way this can be easily explained.
I want to work out with Ryan Gosling. Hang on. WHAT AM I SAYING?! I dont want him to see me sweating, suffering and er..panting. What an awful word. I definitely dont want that. Lets just go for a drink instead.
Blue Valentine sent me totally insane. I sat and watched in silence, after my friends had prevented me watching my all time favourite man on screen for months saying, ‘trust me, you’re not ready.’ Looking back now they were right. This movie is too heavy. Not only did it make me go all gooey over people that i shouldn’t have been, it made me crave the kind of love that you would throw yourself off a cliff for. Then it made me realise that doesn’t happen, and really, love is all just shit. Sorry but what good comes of it?! After watching this i believe it isn’t a real emotion. Its more happiness and infatuation mixed with the fake urges people get to ‘settle’. People just settle for comfortable and easy. Love is a risk and NOBODY wants to take a risk do they? Thats what this film is about. None of my boyfriends wanted to take it anyway. Should probably break out of just pairing up with Capricorns. ;-) I watched this about 7 months ago and it really stuck with me. Saying all this, Ryan. You are fit. And at least we got to watch you go down on Michelle constantly throughout this movie and we could imagine what its like.
I dont even know why i bother, what else can i say? Everyone thinks im sad, pathetic and alone. I am none of the above, i just think he is a stupidly gorgeous man. Ok? Cheers.
Dont just buy this movie for Ryan Gosling, buy it if being bored to tears and feelings of anxiety and desperation are sensations that you enjoy.
|—||Dean Pereira - ‘Blue Valentine’|
Men who like dogs- GOOD.
Men who like children- weirdly appealing.
Men who break up fights on the street- Not great, but Ryan made it work.
Oh Ryan. Ryan Ryan Ryan. Stop being in shit films. I need to view you daily and i like hearing you talk and seeing the awkward side smile you always do.
(i try to do that now but i get too nervous and break into full smile. Annoying.)
Ryan Gosling- The ONLY positive thing about the movie last night. Crazy Stupid Love didnt look great. I’ll be honest. It did have Steve Carrell in it, (and anything he’s in has to be funny right? Wrong.) and of course, the Gosling is the dream. The number one. The favourite. The star of 99% of my bad dreams. The plot was revolving entirely around Steve being a bit of a geek, being made cool by Ryan, getting with loads of women, and then…getting back with his ex wife. We didn’t see that coming either. Ryans character is basically exactly how you hope he would be in real life- charming, cocky, suit wearing, good in bed and has the creepy lines that you know deep down he uses on an hourly basis, but that annoying part of the female brain convinces you that he really means it. Ew. Anyway, he wasn’t in it enought at ALL. I was so anxious and bored that Amy and i started having boderline nervous breakdowns in the screening. Delirious laughter, prang attacks, popcorn scoffing through sheer boredom and clock watching. Which you should never do in a movie. Amy also nearly died because Ryan took his shirt off and she hadn’t taken a breath for a good two minutes. My jaw ached because i was sat open mouthed. The man next to us loved it for some reason. He was clapping, cheering and basically being disruptive (jeeez Em lighten up). I fear i will never be as happy as that man. Thats what scares me the most.
Tonight is Ryan Gosling night. Like most nights. Tonight is different because I venture to the cinema to watch him rather than sat at inch away from the TV at home, often in tears, sexually frustrated and only noticing that my mouth is open when it starts to dry up and get locked. Vile. Tonight we drink diet cokes, get comfortable, watch trailers (who DOESNT love the trailers?! Especially so close to Halloween) and then enjoy the Ryan. Then home for a long discussion, which will probably result in the conclusion that we might as well jump from the balcony because life isnt worth living if he isnt our boyfriends. Sad. Any Cineworld Westferry staff who might see this- I just want to let you know that I am in stable mind, and am fine to watch the film alongside everyone else.